From the Columbia Flier/Howard County Times

Marriage-Equality Advocate Won't Give An Inch On Faith

Doug Miller

October 13, 2005

Give Tres Kerns and Grady Tallington Jr. credit. Like Daniel, they walked into the proverbial lion's den. And like Daniel, all they had was their faith.

But in their case, it wasn't enough.

The two were the unlikely guests of the Howard County chapter of Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays on Oct. 11. In lieu of its regular meeting, PFLAG hosted a debate, moderated by Grace Kubofcik from the League of Women Voters, on the question of whether the state should recognize civil marriage for same-sex couples. Kerns, a WCBM radio commentator, and Tallington are both active in the effort to prohibit such unions. In a sanctuary full of people at the Owen Brown Interfaith Center, they didn't appear to have many allies.

The crowd was respectful but clearly hostile to their point of view. So I had to ask why Tallington and Kerns ever would have agreed to debate in such a setting.

Tallington insisted he did it out of love. Because Tallington believes the only sexual relations God condones are between a man and woman who are married to one another, he is compelled by love for his fellow humans to discourage any others, and sanctioning homosexual unions encourages homosexual behavior, he says.

While Tallington cited Bible passages asserting God's disapproval of gay sex, Kerns cited it as the source of the AIDS plague, noting the devastation it has wrought among homosexual men. Those points formed the basis of their argument: Homosexuality is against the law of God - from which the authority of man is derived - and is unhealthy, so allowing homosexuals to marry is against the interest of society.

Accepting for a brief moment the premise that homosexual conduct is inherently harmful, how, I asked Tallington during a break, will refusing gays the right to marry curtail it?

"I'll have to think on that one and get back to you," he said.

Accepting that gay sex has been a principal - though not the only - means of HIV transmission in the United States, one might argue (OK, I will) that marriages between homosexuals would combat the promiscuity that feeds all sexually transmitted disease.

As PFLAG member Dan McCarthy, arguing for the pro side of the question, put it, "One thing I think we can all agree on is that more marriage is a good thing."

As for God's admonitions against men lying with men, "We could quote Scripture all night that subjugates women, that tells slaves to keep their place," argued the Rev. Anthony McCarthy (no relation to Dan).

He is associate minister at the Unity Fellowship Church in the Mount Vernon section of Baltimore, one of a dozen scattered throughout urban America offering a spiritual home to gay people. He is a gay man and a Christian, and sees no conflict between the two.

"Faith has to be part of this discussion," the reverend said. "But don't let people tell you that their faith is the faith."

As I said in this space a while back, no faith community would ever have to recognize a state-sanctioned civil marriage as sanctified, or be forced to marry gay couples. But likewise, no one school of faith ought to hold sway over how secular laws determine eligibility for marriage.

Dan McCarthy noted that, contrary to the assertions of the Christian right, the conventional view of what marriage means has evolved over time. "We've gone from arranged marriages to love marriages. We now allow interracial marriage. We've outlawed rape in the context of marriage."

Among the protections afforded married couples that committed gay couples do not enjoy are the right to be involved in medical decisions concerning a spouse and the right to take time off from work under the Family and Medical Leave Act to care for an ill partner. Gay couples may not file joint tax returns.

More disturbing are the ramifications for the children of families headed by gay couples. And make no mistake, gay people are raising kids. As Anthony McCarthy pointed out, they're often kids adopted out of desperate situations and given stable, loving homes.

Health benefits and custody rights that straight parents take for granted do not apply to these kids. They forfeit Social Security and disability payments to which they'd be entitled if the state recognized the commitment of their parents to one another and their families.

Religious conservatives have made clear their distaste for same-gender marriage, but have been anything but clear when it comes to spelling out how it will harm our society.

"It hurts no one," Dan McCarthy said. "and will help a lot of people."