Washington Blade
By Julie Enszner
March 31, 2006
(www.washblade.com)

Changing minds in Maryland
When Mfume waffled on marriage, Khadijah went to work. Now he's made up his mind and should get our support.

HOW DOES CHANGE happen? How can we change the minds and hearts of politicians so that they support marriage equality for gay and lesbian couples? I have one example of recent success.

It is really the story of two people who had the same experience and took two different actions. Last summer, Duchy Trachtenberg, the president of Maryland NOW, sponsored a house party for women to meet former Congressman Kweisi Mfume and learn about his bid to become the next U.S. senator from Maryland.

I went and wrote an angry column about it for this paper. I was enraged that Mfume would not embrace gay marriage. I want federal and state candidates for elective office to support full equality, I wrote. If they don’t, I won’t support them, and I don’t want other queers to support them either.

My friend, Khadijah Tribble, wants the same thing. She heard Mfume that night, and she, too, took action. She organized a delegation of less than 10, all people of color, to go talk with Mfume about the issues facing gay and lesbian Marylanders.

How did she do it? She called him up. She scheduled the meeting. She organized the people. It was a long meeting. Longer than she thought it was going to be.

People talked about their experiences, and Khadijah and her partner talked about the joys and challenges of raising children together. People also talked about discrimination and community.

Mfume listened, really listened, to everyone in attendance for more than two hours. He also asked questions, thoughtful questions.

There weren’t any promises made. There wasn’t a secret agenda — gay or otherwise — that Khadijah had for the meeting. She just wanted Mfume to hear and meet and know gay Marylanders.

MORE THAN THAT one meeting, though, Khadijah became quietly involved with Mfume’s campaign. She held a house party to raise money for him. It wasn’t easy.

She’ll tell you she doesn’t know a lot of rich folks and most of her friends don’t write checks to politicians. She was also trying to support Mfume and his campaign to be senator when his position on queer issues was good, but not stellar.

In September 2005, shortly after that evening in Bethesda, the Blade reported that, "A spokesperson from Mfume’s office was not sure of his exact position [on marriage equality] but said he did not support a constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage." That’s good and appreciated, but doesn’t exactly fulfill our dreams.

Khadijah persisted. She took me to lunch in December and told me that Mfume really understood our issues. She asked me for money. She told me to watch. She said he was going to do the right thing. I let three months pass without writing my check.

By January 2006, Mfume had come around and, according to a report in the Blade, supports equal marriage rights for gay couples. Of the marriage decision issued by the Maryland court, he noted, "I don’t know how the courts could have come up with any decision than what they did."

I WROTE MY check to Mfume’s Senate campaign that day. On one hand, it seems like that’s a big change for a candidate in four months. On the other hand, knowing the personal time and attention that Mfume received from Khadijah, it’s not a big change.

She is persistent, consistent and persuasive. And all of us queer Marylanders have a lot to thank her for when we go to the polls for the primary.

At lunch the other day, Khadijah said that she is worried about what will happen to Mfume as the election season heats up. She worries because in politics these days, we want to divide and hurt people.

Still, she knows that Mfume really understands what’s at stake for us and our families. As the former head of the NAACP, he doesn’t believe in discrimination or oppression in any form. She knows that he is going to stand with us.

Meanwhile, I know that when people take the time to talk to others, particularly people who are or want to be our elected officials, it makes a difference. When we share our lives, we help people understand how to support us.

The other thing I know? I want to be more like Khadijah. And I want there to be hundreds more Khadijahs in Maryland.