The Issues:
Transgender Issues
Personal Stories: TerriLee Bell
NOTE: Except for TerriLee, the names in this story have been changed in the interest of privacy.
I think most of us have struggles that are similar, so I'm not going to dwell on that part we all know and despise. You know, the stories about spouses who decide to leave us. Employers who fire us. Churches, friends, and families that reject us. When we make a decision to change our genders, those events are pretty much a given and we know it beforehand. I know. It doesn't make any of it right, does it?
Let me tell you about my daughter Kim. She isn't really my daughter, but she calls me her Mom. I run a Transgendered Support Group here in Hagerstown, Md. and she is one of my members. Her real mother is very supportive of her thank God, and so brings her to our meetings. She's eighteen years old and a senior in highschool. She's been bounced around from one school system to another ever since she started transitioning at the age of fourteen. Frankly, I can't begin to imagine what she has had to go through. She only tells me parts of it. I do know what I've had to go through, but I didn't start this journey until I was in my latter years of adulthood. It boggles my mind to think about her day-to-day existence in public school. She's generally considered a troubled child by the school systems she's been in because they try to make her be a male and she is very strong-natured and doesn't give in easily. She's been punished for wearing women's clothes to school and has had problems with what bathrooms she's supposed to use. Some of the petty silliness that she has had to endure at the hands of the schools' administration and faculty is just plain criminal. Let alone the harassment she has endured at the hands of cruel and hateful students. Yes, she has been in many fights. I would be too. I admire her for standing up for her rights, but I worry about her every day. The amazing thing is, Kim has such a wonderful outlook on life despite her difficulties. She's an "A" student to boot! She has hopes and dreams for her future and she is a beautiful woman. I wish... I wish there was a way that I could require the people who are making decisions that effect her every day to just sit down and shut up long enough to tell them what exactly they are doing to her. But I can't. You see, it's not against the law for her to be treated the way she is. In fact, the laws cited by her school's administration are very biased against her and make it easy for people in control to ignore and abuse her. It seems their attitude is, "Well, it's all her fault since she's the one who decided to be this way, we just can't have a male acting like a girl."
Or perhaps you'd like to hear about Jennifer who works for Home Depot? She used to work at the one in Frederick but when she went on a leave of absence to go through her initial phase of transition, coming back, they required her to go to the store in Hagerstown. No one knew her as a guy there, you know? They also tried to cheat her out of sick leave and vacation pay she had accumulated, thinking she wouldn't protest. They were wrong, and she did eventually get it all back after a long fought battle with them.
Barbara. She works for the US Postal Service. When she returned to work after she had GRS, she was moved around from one position to another and called "sir" and "he." After fighting a good fight, she has finally got into a position where she's okay now, but it took a long time and a lot of work, not to mention anguish. Today, she just wants to be known as a woman and to do her job. She's not active as a Trans-activist and doesn't want to be. Her position is common within the Trans Community. It's almost like they've fought their battles and have won their wars and are now "just women" and have no desire to fight for rights they already have as a woman.
For me, I can never be that. I will always be Trans. I'm an Androgyne and I live my life fully as a woman but in fact, I am part male and part female. You want to talk about being damned if you do and damned if you don't, that's me. I mean, who am I legal to marry? No one? Both? Who knows? All my legal documents except for my birth certificate say I'm a female. I do know who I want to marry, and that's Tina. So, until things get changed to make it legal for two women to get married in this state, I'm single. It goes against every fiber of my being to even think about getting married as a male. There is just no way.
Please understand that these are only a couple of stories and there are many more out here. Many, many more. Most neither you nor I will ever have the privilege of hearing since most TGs remain stealth most of their lives for all the obvious reasons. But, I do hope this helps in some way.
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