The EqMD Insider

AUGUST 2008:

July 2008 blog posts

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Wednesday, August 27, 2008


"I can't believe they said that!"


Hugh Silcox is one of Equality Maryland's District Coordinators for state legislative district 45. He was awarded the District Coordinator of the Year award at July's Volunteer Appreciation Party. Hugh lives in Fell's Point.

I know it has happened, you are reading the paper and see an article, editorial, or even a letter from another reader and gritted your teeth? Or … and yes, it’s possible … has something in the paper given you a glimmer of hope that, at last, someone “gets it?”

Channel that passion, take it to your keyboard, and write a Letter to the Editor!

Every paper includes directions (usually including an e-mail address) on how to send the Editor a letter. (The fact that your letter is addressed and directed to the Editor is a nicety and a custom; we all know you’re writing it to the paper’s readers.)

Some pointers:

  • Bring clear focus to your letter. Speak directly to the item that provoked your passion … and your decision to write. Long rambles sound like tirades … and won’t get published.
  • Papers care about column inches. Be sparing in your prose. Long letters will, at best, be cut short by the editors, or they won’t get published at all. Try to keep it fewer than three hundred words.
  • If you can, relate the point you are making to your personal experience. Remember: all politics is local; if you can convince the reader that you’re just another citizen (and not a lobbyists or a drone parroting a “party line”), you’ll make people think … and that’s why you’re writing in the first place.
  • Although your personal experience is a powerful testimony, speak to the concerns of the reader. Perhaps more important, speak to the mind of the reader. So much of the injustice we see and feel in the world is simply illogical and irrational. Your simple words can have great power in exposing this.
  • Look your draft over several times before you push the SEND key. Even put it aside for a few hours, so you can review it when maybe you’ve cooled off a bit. And proofread your letter for grammar and spelling; if you skip this step, you’ll either look foolish or you’ll be back in the hands of that (lowercase) editor.
  • Remember to include your name, full address, and phone number in your signature block. The paper won’t publish your street address, but they need to know that you are a “real person,” and most papers won’t publish anonymous letters.
  • Then – push that SEND key (my keyboard doesn’t actually have a SEND key, but you get my drift…). Revel in your exercise of your First Amendment rights.
  • If the paper decides to publish your letter, you will probably get a phone call from the paper verifying that you are the author. Remember, though, that just because you get that phone call, you may not be published. It’s a matter of column inches and somebody else’s priorities.

I’ve had a number of letters published in the Baltimore Sun. One of the most gratifying experiences I’ve ever had was receiving a handwritten note at home, asking if I was the author of a recent letter (cold panic at this point) and going on to say how impressed he was by my letter and how I had said “exactly what needed to be said.” Bingo! Target reached!

Hope to see your letter soon!

Thursday, August 21, 2008


I Will Think of Steven


Carrie Evans is Equality Maryland's Policy Director

When you work in the LGBT civil rights movement, you learn to construct a thick wall around your heart as a means to survive. Sometimes though an 18-wheeler comes crashing through that wall.

As I read the story in the Baltimore Sun about the killing of Steven Parrish, I kept re-reading the witness accounts. “ … Parrish left his parents' home with another young man and walked toward the woods. About a minute later, the witness and other neighbors heard someone yelling and pleading, "Stop! Why are you doing this to me? I didn't do anything!" His wrongdoing? The insinuation (or fear) he was gay and the implications this had for the gang he was a part of. I kept on imagining the awful things that may have been going through his head as he was being led to his vicious death. Was it the fear of violence and death that many LGBT people feel when someone “discovers” our secret? Was it regret that he hadn’t tried hard enough to be straight? Was it sadness that he could not live his life openly and honestly as a young gay man? Was it betrayal that his sexual orientation would trump any familial bonds with his gang brothers? Was it resignation that being murdered is the horrific price one pays for “not being a man?”

I will never know.

I do know that we do this work in hopes that we can create a world that embraces Steven and all of the young, old and in between people who are gay or don’t fit into the rigid gender roles that society imposes. We must move out of our isolating silos, whether they are lesbian, black, Muslim, Lakota, or disabled. These silos protect us from nothing but living fully. We sit in our silos reading or watching stories about the murder de jour, the problems with our schools, the lack of affordable housing, the HIV/AIDS crisis and domestic violence, being thankful that our silo is “safe.” Once in a while we may even feel a pang of empathy for someone in another silo but don’t quite know where to go with that feeling. There is no doubt the societal conditions leading to Steven’s death are not easily remedied. There also is no doubt the remedies are not cleverly hidden in our silos and only emerge when we leave the silo.

Commit to step out of your silo, start with small jaunts - tutor at your local public school, stop someone when they are telling a homophobic "joke," don't look away when you walk past a homeless person. Stepping out of the silo may be scary and intimidating, but I know when I step out of mine, I will think of Steven.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008


On the Path


Lorie Benning is a 20-year resident of Maryland and 10-year resident of Baltimore City. She lives with her partner of 5 years and her 17-year-old daughter in the Baltimore neighborhood of Lauraville. She works as a biostatistician for the Women's Interagency HIV Study in the Department of Epidemiology at the Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health. She is a new openly lesbian member of the Johns Hopkins University Diversity Leadership Council and a new member of the Equality Maryland Political Action Committee.

What a year it has been! For me, this was the year that I stepped solidly on the path toward full equality for gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender Maryland citizens. I don’t consider myself to be patriotic. The years since the 2000 U.S. Presidential election have felt particularly frustrating. But in the past year, I’ve had a change of heart. I’ve decided that the silver lining in the cloud of the oppression that I have felt personally as a lesbian who is denied the benefits, privileges, protections, responsibilities, and dignity of civil marriage and that I have felt for my fellow transgender human beings who are denied even more basic and fundamental rights and civil protections is that it offers an opportunity for me to get involved in my community and in my local and state government. On this path, I have learned so much about how our government works and the importance of grassroots organization. I have also met so many wonderful people along the way.

It all began last October when I went to the District 45 Town Hall Meeting. There I first learned about our amazing advocate, Gwendolyn Britt, and I was inspired to take action by the personal stories of Louise Harmony, Michelle Dowdy, and others. During Human Rights Week in December I went to see a talk given by Lisa Polyak at the Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health about how the lack of marriage equality for same-sex families is a public health issue that disproportionately impacts low income and minority families. Dan Furmansky was at both of these events and I had the honor of making his acquaintance and witnessing first hand his infectious energy and commitment. I also met Mary Zicari for the first time at the second event. As a result of the town hall meeting and Lisa’s presentation, I became a monthly supporter of Equality Maryland and started going to District 45 meetings, co-chaired by Tim McCoy and Brian Armstrong at the house of Brian and his partner, Ernie England.

Then things really got exciting! During the 2008 Maryland General Assembly Legislative Session, Chris Sewell and I met with District 43 Delegates Maggie McIntosh and Ann Marie Doory. I went with Susan Francis to meet with District 45 Delegate Hattie Harrison. I also met with D43 Senator Joan Carter Conway. I did not succeed in changing anyone’s mind about The Religious Freedom and Civil Marriage Protection Act. Nevertheless, I connected in a personal way with my state representatives. They know me as a person now. I took my first step in trying to educate them about this issue. By participating directly in the democratic process, I felt empowered. I felt even more empowered as part of a large group of Baltimore City residents who testified at a hearing of a subcommittee of the Baltimore City Council to request their support of the marriage bill. I was particularly moved by the testimony of Mary Zicari and Susan Francis. That group succeeded in convincing swing vote, Jim Kraft, to join Bobby Curran and Mary Pat Clarke to support the resolution that had been introduced by Bill Henry. City Council President Stephanie Rawlings Blake was also at the hearing to show her support. That was a good day!

Thanks to the incredibly hard work of the Equality Maryland staff - Dan, Carrie, Susan, Mary, and Mike (they rock!!!) - interns, and network of volunteers and supporters, the legislative session ended with progress and momentum. But in order to add gender identity to the list of protected groups and in order to achieve full marriage equality for same-sex families, we still have a lot of work to do

In District 43, I have enjoyed the company, energy, enthusiasm, and creativity of my wonderful and supportive life partner Jackie Warfield and our fellow District 43 neighbors, Lisa Polyak and her partner Gita Deane, Chris Sewell and his partner Dan Mecredy (sp?), Sue Freeland, and Reverend David Smith in emulating our neighbors to the east, District 45, by starting a local Equality Group. Like Equality 45, we obtained a large map of district 43. The two groups shared a table at the Baltimore Pride Festival where over a 100 people stopped by and put a star on one of our maps to represent all the LGBT households in our districts and gave us their contact information. In this way, we’re building a network of LGBT friends, family, and allies in Baltimore City. We meet monthly at a community member’s house to discuss LGBT issues at the local, state, and national level and to plan future outreach events. We also have fun at cookouts, dinner parties, and other social events.

You may feel, as I did before this year, that you are not particularly powerful or influential. But here’s the thing. Each and every one us - no matter our level of education, our socioeconomic status, our race/ethnicity, gender, age, or physical ability - has a circle of influence. It’s our friends, family, neighbors, co-workers, fellow students, religious community, and even strangers we may talk to in an elevator, in line at the grocery store, waiting at the bus stop or in an airport. It’s not always easy to speak up in favor of equal rights for gay and transgender people. But if we don’t speak up for ourselves, no one else is going to do it for us. It takes courage and conviction to face possible opposition. But the more you do it as an individual, the easier it gets. And when we speak together as a group, we can be truly powerful!

Wednesday, August 13, 2008


Looking Back


Charles Blackburn and his partner of thirty years, Glen Dehn, were among the plaintiffs in the American Civil Liberties Union lawsuit that attempted to overturn the 1973 Maryland statute that defined marriage as exclusively between a man and a woman. Charles is a former Unitarian Universalist minister who served churches in California, Alabama and New York. He was active in the civil rights movement in Mississippi and Alabama in 1964-66. On the national staff of the ACLU in 1967-70, Charles organized ACLU state affiliates and city chapters in ten southern states. For twenty-five years Charles was a fundraiser for nonprofit organizations including the Baltimore Symphony Orchestra, the University of Maryland and Johns Hopkins Medical School.

I'd like to share my impression of the 3-1/2 year judicial quest for marriage equality.

Glen and I were first approached to become candidates for plaintiffs in the ACLU lawsuit by a member of the ACLU of Md. board and member of my church, The First Unitarian Church of Baltimore. My long-term committed relationship with Glen was a strong factor in our selection as well as my former involvement with civil rights and civil liberties. As the oldest couple among the nine plaintiff couples we represented senior issues such as inheritance rights, pensions and medical decision-making. It was a wonderful "fit" to once again be an advocate for civil liberties issues after years of cultural, environmental and medical pursuits.

The overwhelmingly positive press coverage of the equal marriage lawsuit was a welcome boost. There were eight excellent Baltimore Sun editorials on the subject between 2004 and 2007 and an extensive feature article on Glen and me and the cause on the front page of The Sun.

The bonding that took place among the nine couples and one survivor partner was heartwarming and very supportive as well. We will never forget each other and our pride and pleasure when we met and heard each other speak out a various educational and political events.

The two standouts in the leadership of the legal and educational aspects of the equal marriage movement were Ken Choe, the ACLU lead staff attorney, and Dan Furmansky, Executive Director of Equality Maryland. I think that no one suffered more at the ultimate loss of the lawsuit in the 4-3 decision of the Md. Court of Appeals than Ken. The pain of that unworthy majority opinion and the demeaning language will remain with all of us for a long time.

In numerous public appearances and speaking engagements both friends and strangers would come up to us – sometimes with tears in their eyes – and express their thanks for our willingness to stand up for equal marriage. Nowhere was there a more impressive support group than that of my church, The First Unitarian Church of Baltimore. The ministers and the congregation expressed their support in countless ways and to this day there is a large banner displayed on the front columns of the church declaring "Civil Marriage is a Civil Right."

One sad note of this period was the loss of a friend of forty-two years because his religion would not allow him to accept us any longer when we spoke out for equal marriage.

Certainly the single most touching moment of the 3-1/2 year period came when I received the following e-mail:

Hello Charles. Like you I'm gay. I grew up in the South and the inequality I saw and felt there helped shape my vision of the world I want to help create. I work for the ACLU of Mississippi where teaching the LGBT communities about our Constitutional rights is part of my mission. We haven't a single gay/straight alliance in our state. Men literally fear coming out lest they be assaulted or killed, and marriage seems to them impossible. Your efforts though they are far away in Maryland help remind gays and lesbians throughout the South that equality is possible if one fights for it... Charles, thank you so much. Hold that torch high so that everyone can see it down here!

Brent

I replied:

Dear Brent,

It is affirming to receive your thanks and good wishes. In 1968 I conducted the organizational meeting in Jackson, MS for the formation of the ACLU affiliate in Mississippi.

I am grateful to you for carrying that torch today.

Charles

We will be forever grateful to ACLU and Equality Maryland for their support. The positive outcome of this struggle for equality (with your help) is inevitable!

Wednesday, August 6, 2008


Changing Minds


Kate Oliver grew up in Silver Spring, Md. and now lives in Columbia, Md. When Kate was young, her mother and father divorced. Following their divorce, Kate's father met his partner of 28 years. She was raised by her mother, father and father's partner. She has been married to her husband for nine years and has two daughters. Kate is a social worker in private practice. She is currently on the Committee on Sexual Minority Issues for the National Association of Social Workers and on the Board of Directors for COLAGE.

I often talk to people who are intimidated about talking to their elected officials about why LGBT equality is important to them. It is really all about sharing your story, which is something we all are capable of doing! Let me share the highlights of the meeting I had with Maryland Senator Robey earlier this year. My purpose for going to see him was to ask that he support any legislation that would extend equal marriage rights in Maryland. He asked what I meant by civil marriage and how that differed from religious marriage. I told him that the legislation I was asking for his support and co-sponsorship of was about the civil/legal institution for all adults regardless of sexual orientation while explicitly reinforcing religious freedom. In other words, no clergy or faith leader would be forced to perform, recognize, or sanctify these marriages. He stated that he would support civil unions because he believed that was the legislation that could pass. I told him that made me sad because civil unions are not the same thing.

I asked him if he would listen to my story and he graciously said yes. I told him about growing up with gay dads, how they came to have custody of me and my siblings because of my mother's poor choices (not because the courts gave him fair and equal treatment). I told him about the consequences that the lack of marriage rights had on my parents and me – and other families like mine – such as not giving children meaningful, recognizable names for their parent's significant others, not protecting children should one parent die, etc. Senator Robey assured me he would only support civil union legislation that would protect all rights the same as marriage. I went on to point out that this has not worked in any state that intended to pass such legislation. I invited him to look it up since all states, even the ones that were mandated by the courts to create legislation short of marriage that purports to treat same-sex couples equally, are inadequate.

Then I talked about my work as a social worker and specifically about a lesbian couple I saw that was separating, where the mom, who had a biological link to the couples' child, was attempting to discount the relationship their child had to the non-biologically linked mom. I highlighted the fact that children are not only protected by having their parents marry, but also that they are protected in the event that the parents separated. That seemed to really get him thinking. He went on to ask me what the Governor's position is and I told him I was not an expert so not to quote me, but my belief was that the most recent statement by the Governor was that he is open to considering legislation that that ensures religious freedom and allows gay and lesbian couples to get a marriage certificate. He thought about that too. He reminded me that he had been helpful to the LGBT community in his role as Howard County Executive. I told him I was aware of this and it was why I voted for him when he ran for the State Senate.

I went on to show him pictures of Dad and Bob's commitment ceremony and all of my happy, healthy family. He joked about how well I turned out to show he understood and sympathized with my community and issues. I talked about Bob's relationship with my girls, my siblings and me and how absurd it feels that he is the only non-legally recognized person in my family even though, when my three year old fell down the other day and hurt herself, after I comforted her but she was still not satisfied, she asked me to call her Pop Pop (her name for Bob).

The Senator definitely seemed to be softening by the end. We joked some more and he told me I gave him some things to think about that he hadn't thought about before. I told him I hoped that, when he considered any legislation about granting full legal rights to my family and families like mine, he would think of me and cosponsor and support it knowing he was doing the right thing. I also pointed out that the course of history seems to be going toward equal marriage rights and that he seems like a guy who would be able to stand up for the right thing historically rather than what would be the easiest thing to do right now. Then we talked a little about how this really echoes back to the separate but equal idea from past civil rights eras. By the end he said, "I think you can feel assured that when it comes down to it I will do the right thing."

He did state in the beginning that he was not going to change his position in the course of the meeting but would think about it. I felt like his last statement was meant to tell me that he would back us up. But that could have just been a political thing. It felt fairly sincere and I think I am generally a good judge. I think I got him thinking and I hope he made a slight shift.

After meeting with the Senator, I sent him a thank you card that reminded him when and why we met. I thanked him for taking the time to meet with me and for really listening. A few weeks later, to my happy surprise, I got a letter back from him stating that the Senator was planning to vote in support of any bill that came before him that would recognize the civil rights of the LGBT community including the bill I came to speak to him about, stating, "Although I am not a co-sponsor of SB-290, 'Religious Freedom and Civil Marriage Protection Act,' I plan on supporting the bill if it comes to the full Senate." It is my belief that my meeting with him, along with the relationship both Equality Maryland and the Howard County PFLAG had already begun to build with Senator Robey, and the support of other politicians in our district, including Delegates Guzzone, Turner, and Pendergrass (who were co-sponsors of the bill), had very much to do with the Senator's evolution in thinking.